The Wastebasket is a Writer's Best Friend

....Isaac Bashevis Singer said that. I tend to agree.


I am not an expert on writing. I love to read and thoroughly enjoy a well written and imaginative story. But there are some habits of writers that just drive me nuts and also, some current themes that I think should be left for dead on the side of the road. So, for another rant post on something I am opinionated about, here goes.

Nicholas Sparks - I must admit, when "Message in a Bottle" came out, I read it. Everyone was raving about this author and his book! Oh lord, it was the second coming of Charles Dickens! Ah, no. Now I see he pumps out a book about as often as I change my underwear (which is often twice a day). Not only that but read the synopsis of any of his books and you'll find they are all pretty much the same. A modern day Danielle Steele, our boy Nicholas. The movie adaptations are actually painful to watch. Please Nicholas please, go write for Harlequin Romance or some equally inane drivel publishing house.


Vampires, werewolves and fairies oh my - I think the world has had enough of "Twilight" and "True Blood". Every time I turn around, there's another series about some otherworldly creature. Enough already!! I have read the Sookie Stackhouse series. I admit, at first, it was entertaining, but after seven or eight books, I was thinking "Wow". Like Wow. Which for me is the word I use when I can not describe the surprise that someone could actually write eight books about essentially the same thing. Sookie has sex with a vampire. Something bad happens to Sookie. She has sex with another vampire. Something else happens to her. On and bloody on. Lordy. (I am eagerly awaiting the fifth "Fever" book though because I must find out what happened!)

The trend of ending the title of ones novel with "Novel". As in,

"The Story of Manchester and Oscar Churchill: A Fabricated Story of Their Life of Obedience: A Novel".

We know it's a novel. I am pretty convinced if you look at the spine or read the synopsis, it will say as much. The definition of a novel as per dictionary.com:
~a fictitious prose narrative of considerable length and complexity, portraying characters and usually presenting a sequential organization of action and scenes.

The word 'fictitious' gives away the fact that it's a novel. Sorry, I just don't get it….


And for the opposite of Nicholas Sparks, who can pump out a novel in thirty seconds flat, is my buddy Dean Koontz. Now, I like Dean. He's no William Shakespeare by any stretch of the imagination but I enjoy his books because:

1. they are unique stories that no one has done before,

2. I like his sense of humour and

3. they always address the conflict of good and evil in the world, always to a degree not usually encountered in real life, but being a person affronted by the injustice and cruelty in this universe, I find appealing that in Dean's book, unlike in real life, good guys usually finish first.

So I began reading Dean's Frankenstein trilogy. I read the first two and was quite looking forward to reading the third, but alas, it just didn't come out. I would keep looking on his website, check book sites for some word of when this book would be available. I think it was close to thirty months before it finally came out. By then, I had to re-read the first two books. Please be a bit quicker Dean. I know you guys plan the whole story way ahead of time. And while I am talking about Dean, a fourth book of his Frankenstein trilogy recently came out.

Trilogy: a series or group of three plays, novels, operas, etc., that, although individually complete, are closely related in theme, sequence, or the like. I read that one too, now I have to wait for the fifth book. Sigh

And finally, like rock stars, I think writers too should know when to call it quits. Two come to mind: Jeffrey Archer and Ken Follett, at one time, two favourites of mine. The last few books however, I question whether or not they were awake when they wrote them. Maybe it's because they were so popular at one time that their publishers don't care what they write, but their fans sure do. Follett wrote "Whiteout", one of the worst books I have ever read and really unworthy of the man that penned "The Eye of the Needle". Retire, my friends. Retire. You've done good, rest now, dear men.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Have you ever seen this movie? The concept is novel, yet simple and appealing all at the same time.

Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet are a couple in a relationship. They love each other, however, they can not make it work. They break up. They are so saddened and confused by it, they have a hard time functioning. They go to a guy that is able to wipe the mind of all the memories associated with the relationship. In essence, wiping the person from the others memory. They are happy about this. And of course, neither of them know the other one has done it. Sadly, a short time after spending the money to have their memory wiped, they meet on the street and fall in love all over again.

There are times in my life I would have liked to have memories wiped from my mind. Now is one. I am a dweller. I stew in my pain. It eats at me and prevents me from sleeping and eating. There are times in my past where I have lost so much weight and slept so little, my family thought I was ill. So, now would be a good time for some eternal sunshine. For once, I would love a spotless mind.

If anyone ever comes across anything like this, please leave me a message.

Being a mother is so very very hard....No matter how right you think you are, it eventually comes back and bites you in the ass.

Let Them Eat Cake (But I'd Tax The Hell Out of It First)

Anyone that smokes cigarettes or cigars or drinks alcohol in any form knows that there are exorbitant taxes placed on these items. And being a user of both cigarettes and alcohol, I can understand why.

Firstly, they are a luxury. You don't NEED either one. Sure, they're nice to have and if you want to partake in those items, then the government is going to make you pay for the privilege. Then there are the health risks involved in using both tobacco and alcohol. Tobacco is highly addictive and everyone knows that it's one of the hardest addictions to beat. Some compare it to quitting heroin. It can cause lung cancer. Second hand smoke was an issue but not so much anymore as it's illegal to smoke anywhere but outside now a days, other than your own home. I could probably count on one hand the number of homes that I go to that allow smoking inside.

Alcohol causes all sorts of social issues like drunk driving and broken homes. Then there are the health risks involved. Anyone kill a few brain cells recently? How's your liver doing? Ever missed work due to a horrible hangover?

But what no one seems to find odd in this country is why certain foods aren't taxed. I find it strange that fast foods or snacks like potato chips, doughnuts, cookies, chip dip, chocolate bars, even pop, don't also have a special, exorbitant tax.

While everyone sits there and stares down there nose at the smokers (I know they do because I am a smoker), no one thinks it's strange that you can go to Metro or The Superstore and buy a huge box of chocolate chip cookies and not pay tax on it. Or go to Tim Hortons and because you buy more than three doughnuts, you get away without paying tax.

A few years ago, while waiting at the doctors for an appointment, I read an article about the largest drain on the Canadian health care system. Any guess what health problem was the culprit? Drug addiction? Alcoholism? Nope. Must be smoking, you're probably thinking? I thought for sure, that would be it. I remember a friend of mine once commenting that if smokers wound up with lung cancer, they should be forced to pay for their treatment out of their own pockets. After all, whose fault was it they got lung cancer? But no, it wasn't smoking either. In this article, they had interviewed Canadian doctors across the country. And they all agreed that obesity was the largest drain on our health care system. They cited case after case of why obesity cost so much. It caused so many health issues, from joint problems, circulatory issues, heart issues, lung issues, the list goes on.

So I suggest to loser McGuinty, start taxing the hell out of the McDonalds, the Harveys, the KFC. That's not a necessity. Use that tax to help cover the cost of fixing the people that need heart by-pass surgery, new hips and knees, need special care after heart attacks.....I know, it's not OUR fault but still....if we have to pay to smoke and drink.....lets be fair.

Imponderable From (gasp!) Me

I was at a concert last night. It wasn't someone I wanted to see. My boyfriend was doing a favour for a friend, long story, but he got free tickets, backstage passes, blah blah blah.....

The crux of this story was one of the guitarists for the warm up band. He was at the other side of the stage from me and my eyes aren't the best, but he looked very familiar to me. It struck me a few minutes after he began playing and I said something that I promised myself I would never ever say, in my head or out loud:

He looks just like one of my ex-husbands.

Now I must go stick my head in the toilet and flush numerous times to try to remove it from my memory, however, I said it so removing it will be very, very hard.

Easier will be removing D's comment the other day about hearing "Baba O'Riley" on "Dawson's Creek" and at the time, I thought that would be impossible (although I am still stewing about that one).

Saying things like "one of my ex-husbands" brings to mind fifty something year old women with blonde up-do's with Gucci purses and diamond earrings the size of Honda Civics. Perfumed, primped, pink suited and lipsticked. I don't know why, but the thought of even acting like one of those women just makes me want to wretch in my Tetley. So the fact that I even thought it has put a bad start to the week, even though it happened on a Saturday and I may not be the same, ever.

I think it's time to go shave my head, throw out my one dress and buy a pair of combat boots.

Goodbye my sweet smelling Danier world. It's been nice knowing you....