Super Heroes Buttboy and J Lo Ass Blond Skinny Chick

Only in Toronto?  I sure hope so.....

Saturday night, my boyfriend was given two tickets to a Leaf game and he asked me if I'd like to go. I said yes.  

My only issue with going to things like this is the crowds.  I dislike crowds.  I hate traffic, especially stop and go, the honking, the idiots that are changing lanes for no reason.  I hate feeling trapped in a place, shoulder to shoulder with people.  And I hate seeing things that disturb me.  And the law of averages says, go to a place with 20,000 people and your chances of seeing something that you don't want to see increases.....well, I guess 20,000 fold.      

I was not to be disappointed (I guess that depends on how you look at it).  Please meet: 

Buttboy and his sidekick, J. Lo Ass Blond Skinny Chick

We left our seats at the first intermission.  The hallways are packed with people.  There are people at lines trying to get food and beer, those lines are blocking the way of people trying to walk to restrooms and other people trying to walk back to their seats, it's basically chaos.  We are forced to stop because people can't get out of the way, so I am behind Kevin and I just happen to glance to my right and there in front of me is a guy and a girl.  The girl is wearing black leggings and a tight nylon type t-shirt that doesn't cover her bum.  Are you getting the picture?  I think the leggings were meant to be worn with those long tunic sweaters, but I am no fashion expert.

The girl is to the right of him and he has his finger, oh, how do I say, um, in an inappropriate place, on her, um, I will say that his finger is completely hidden, and he keeps moving his finger, and he's a tall guy and she's perhaps my height, so he's making an effort to reach and really, my good God!!!

Anyway, their backs are to me, they are looking up at a menu.  They are about two feet from me, so pretty close.   I am no prude.  Really, I am not.  I have no problem with public displays of affection - to a point.  But that was too much.  Way too much.

I am disgusted and regret looking over in that general direction because now that vision is seared onto my brain and I fear it will never go away.  But I start laughing like I have just seen the funniest thing in the world and I yell to Kevin because it's so loud in there "Hey hon, did you see that?" and he turns toward me and says "Oh yeah!"  so not being able to leave it alone, because I just can't, I say "It looks like his finger was up her ass!"  

Just as I say that, two men walk by, stop and look at me and say "Really?" I confirm, they start laughing, yell "Get a room!" and as they walk away, I notice Buttboy and J. Lo Ass Blond Skinny Chick giving me the evil eye.  They've both turned 180 degrees and are facing me like we're going to have a showdown.  They're both bigger than me.  They could both beat me up. But all I am thinking is "I hope Buttboy doesn't touch Kevin or I with that finger!"

It's unfortunate, but I haven't been able to get the vision out of my mind and I hope that something good comes of this.  Perhaps Buttboy and his little chickie went home and reflected on their behaviour and maybe talked about it.  Perhaps they came to the conclusion that that sort of behaviour in public is inappropriate and they will make an effort to keep Buttboy's fingers out of J. Lo Ass's orifices whilst they're in public from now on.

Or, the more likely scenario, they called me a number of unfavourable names half the night and got drunk on cheap Tequila.   

I bet the latter.

And the Leafs lost...

What's $200 Worth To You Anyway?

I have two children, Alex, the eldest and Ryan.   Ryan lives with me in a large, unnecessary house.  Ryan generally uses three rooms regularly.  His bedroom, bathroom and the kitchen.  


You can track Ryan's movements within the house at any given time.  If I were to clean the house from top to bottom and Ryan were on vacation, the house would remain completely spotless (except for dog hair on the floor and nose prints on windows).  


Ryan, in a word, is a slob.  I would like to shake my head in wonder and say "I don't know where he developed this trait from" but I would be lying.  I will say that he didn't get it from me.  Sure, I sometimes laze out upon arriving home from work and leave my shoes at the front door, side by side, in a neat row.  Or, I place a reusable bag on the kitchen chair once I've emptied it.  I admit that.  I will also admit that in the mornings, after rushing in a confused daze, corralling fighting Goldens, breaking up fights and pulling gobs of grass from drooling mouths, I often don't have time to place my hairspray in it's correct spot in the vanity cabinet.  Or properly place all my hair styling products nicely in the basket on the counter.  But Ryan.....he brings slobbishness into a whole new level.


There was a time that I would clean his room for him because I just couldn't stand it anymore.  The deal was that any money I found would be mine.   He is lazy with his money too.  He would come home and drop all his change....where ever.  There would be a carpet of loonies and twoonies all over the floor.


This was a sweet deal.  I could make $75 for a two hour job.   I don't make that at my REAL job.  Taking taxes into account, I am lucky if I take home $18 an hour!  


But the child got wise to this and decided he was better off cleaning his room himself.  He realized it was akin to remembering he had a savings account somewhere.  I informed him what would be even better was not letting his room get to that disgusting state in the first place.  Oddly, he disagreed.


So last week, I am about to go out for the evening and he tells me he's misplaced $200 American....in his room.  


"If you'd cleaned it a month ago, like I'd asked, you probably would have found it.  When did you have $200 American in your room?"  


"I brought it back from my New York City trip," he answers.  That was in May.  I don't know too many people that would "forget" about $200 for five months but that's just me.


So I suggested he get his lazy ass up there and start cleaning.  But I would be happy to clean it for him the next day given the re-instatement of our previous deal.  


He didn't bite.   He suggested a nice Mum would clean it for nothing.  I informed him that if I was going to take five years off my life by breathing in unknown toxic substances, it had to be worth some cash.  About $200, I am guessing....


His room still hasn't been cleaned by the way.....that money is still up there.....