Who's Your Momma?

Having grown children seems to be a constant period of adjustment, for me, anyway.  As a mother, you can't help thinking of them as your children....as little people, holding on to your hands, running to you when they're hurt or upset or God forbid, maybe asking you your opinion once in a while.  Maybe it's worse for me.  My husband wasn't around much when they were small so I was it for them.  I took them to their sports, I was the one that was home for them when they were sick, went to parent-teacher interviews, took them to the doctor when they needed to go.

I had decided a little while ago that I would let my children be.  I wouldn't expect them to spend time with me, so I would not ask them to visit or accompany me to family dinners with my siblings or my parents.  I wouldn't expect them for dinners at my house or to show up for birthdays or holidays.  It's just easier for me this way.

But I hoped, deep down, that maybe they would keep me abreast of their lives in some form.  With Ryan, it's different, he lives with me, so he tells me things most of the time.  He planned a trip with his girlfriend and told me pretty much everything.  With Alex, I fear that he may get married, buy a house and have two children and I may be left in the dark.  One day, I may get an invitation to my grandchild's grade twelve graduation party.  It could happen.

Never was this more apparent a couple of months ago when my boyfriend and I had dinner with my brother and his wife, whom I hardly see.  Alex works for this brother.  

As my brother is dishing out the fifth and final appetizer, he says:

"I hear Alex and Ashley are buying a condo together".  I pause, fork stuck in mid-air.  I glance at Kevin. He's looking at me, eyebrows slightly raised, looking at tad confused.  

"What?" I respond intelligently.  What else to say?  Do I pretend that I know exactly what he's talking about?  If I do, I risk the ire of my mother, who is also there.  She'll just be mad that I just didn't share this little tidbit.  Honesty is the best policy.

"Yes, they're thinking of moving in, buying a condo.  Ashley is making good money working for that lawyer, Alex makes good money..." blah blah blah, on and on he went but I stopped listening.  

The worst thing about this was the week before, Alex spent the night at my house.  He and I went out to dinner, went back to my place, had a couple drinks, just the two of us.  He had ample opportunity to talk to me, to tell me his plans, but he chose not to.  I seriously doubted this was a new thing, because he had mentioned to me a month or so before that Ashley wanted to move out of her parents house.  A year before, he told me he was saving up to buy his own place.  I think it had been a plan for a while.  So....why wouldn't he tell me, his mother, about it?

I was upset for a while.   But then, I remembered the pledge I made to myself - they are not your little babies anymore.  Let them be.  Let them make their plans and do their things.  They are not required to tell you everything they are doing with their lives.

But it would sure be nice......


So today, my son Alex called me to tell me he and Ashley broke up.  For the last and final time.  They broke up about a year ago and I found out on Facebook.  So, maybe there is hope after all.